Talia was the much loved daughter of Melbourne couple, Yasmine and Jason Sweeney, and in July 2022 she was just about to turn two.
“She was confident, happy and smiley,” says Yasmine. “She loved music and singing, dancing, playing drums. She loved bubbles and animals. She wanted to be part of everything. She loved to cook with me and to play video games with Jason. She loved trying different foods. She could be a real drama queen as well – she liked to say, ‘Oh no, oh dear!’ when we got to the end of the Humpty Dumpty rhyme. And she loved to draw. She had a little table with all her art supplies.” She loved doing arts and crafts.”
We told her we loved her
Talia had been a bit sniffly earlier in the week but seemed to have recovered well. On Sunday, they had a day out with family and she played happily with her cousins.
“That night,” say Yasmine, “we had a really lovely night. I turned the TV on and it was at the end of playing Strictly Ballroom. The song, Love is in the Air was on, so she started dancing. Then we all started dancing with her.
“Then we got her ready for bed. I remember we both put her to bed that night, which was not normal. Usually one of us does, but we both put her to bed that night – kissed her and told her we loved her and said goodnight.”
The child video monitor was on, but they didn’t hear a peep all night long. When they woke next morning, Yasmine and Jason thought Talia was sleeping late, but she had passed away in the night. She was one of 117 SUDI, or sudden and unexpected childhood deaths, in Australia in 2022.
Reaching out to Red Nose for help
Yasmine has no idea how she and Jason would have survived the grief that followed without Red Nose. Initially, it was the 24-hour helpline.
“You just feel so alone, especially because it’s a child,” Yasmine remembers. “There are a lot of amazing counselling and grief organisations but there’s no way to even comprehend the loss of a child if you haven’t experienced it. When I called Red Nose, they understood and that really helped me, especially in those initial weeks. It’s important that it’s 24/7 because you don’t sleep. There were times when I woke up at three or four in the morning and was just consumed by grief. You get a bit scared about what you might do because you’re just so distraught, and to be able to ring somebody who has had a similar experience and is able to just be that ear to hear is truly lifesaving.”
Red Nose support groups
When they felt ready, Yasmine and Jason went along to the Red Nose support groups.
“Their support groups have people in them who have had similar experiences, so our support group mainly has people whose children have passed away older,” Yasmine explains. “It’s a different experience from parents who had a still birth or lost a tiny baby because we physically got to know Talia … So meeting those people has been amazing.”
There have been times when it has also been incredibly challenging.
“Those beautiful families,” Yasmine says with tears in her eyes. “It breaks my heart to know there are other families out there who have gone through what we’ve gone through. It kills me that I know we’re not going to be the last family. When we get new people coming to join the support group … It breaks my heart that Jason and I are no longer the newbies. I hate that so much, but I feel that it’s now my responsibility to be there as best I can, like those other people were there for me. So that’s why I do all of this.”
Welcoming Tate
Those Red Nose members who are “further along in their grief journey” have been a wonderful support since Yasmine and Jason welcomed Tate, a little brother to Talia, earlier this year.
“Those who have gone on to have other children,” Yasmine explains, “I talked to them a lot during my pregnancy. A big thing is that they acknowledge our fear. You’ve got this beautiful little baby and you love them so much, but you’re also terrified. And you don’t ever get over the loss of the child you’ve lost. It’s very, very bitter-sweet.”
This year Yasmine and Jason are sharing their story with The Weekly to help raise awareness of sudden infant and sudden childhood deaths, and of the work Red Nose does, supporting families, educating new parents to help with prevention and raising funds for research into SIDS and SUDI deaths.
To learn more or to donate, visit rednose.org.au
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